I forget where I saw it, but I managed to remember the gist of it and looked it up on Google:
“To understand what someone really fears losing, look at what they photograph.”
My immediate thought upon reading that was, “jeeeze, if anyone saw my instagram, they’d think I was afraid of losing food, wine, airplane wings, and tropical destinations. yikes.”
We somehow learn to be comfortable, and then complacent, and then eventually indifferent. It’s incredible how it happens. Lyrics to a song told me that ‘the opposite of love [is] indifference, so pay attention…’ and so I have. I realized that I didn’t have many pictures of the things I was truly afraid of losing, the things that I count on everyday to be there, the things that I’d become comfortable with, complacent with even. The things that there was no way I was going to become indifferent about. No way. No how.
The fear of losing something goes away after you’ve had it around awhile. It’ll be around forever.
Until it isn’t. Grey whiskers and cloudy eyes remind you that your fears, the ones that you’ve forgotten, the ones that you’ve become comfortable with and even complacent with, are sneaking up on you again. Calling for the cat and not hearing her jump out of the closet right away and meow to you that she heard you- why do you walk towards the bedroom? It’s that fear, the one you tell yourself is silly. Slippery roads when loved ones commute to work and radio news people talking about accidents and intensive care snap you out of your happy little bubble that you think is un-poppable .
So here are some of the things I fear losing (read: really, really, REALLY love). I fear losing them because they’re such staples in my life, even if I take them and the time I spend with them for granted. They make me better, more understanding, happier. A better person. They mould who I am to become. These are the most important things to me right now. I’m excited to watch these things change and grow. And grow with them. And I’m sad to know that some of them will move on. But I’ll have these pictures, and in turn these memories that are trapped- keeping these things, these ever important, ever loved things forever young in photographs.